Husbands quotes and kids’ quotes are somehow alike.

I spend a big part of my day picking up underwear from the floor. When I asked my husband how many underwear he wears per day he bluntly replied: ‘Four’. But I’m not sure he takes four showers a day.

When I complain that I clean up and he messes up he says: ‘Don’t we make a great team? It even rhymes.’

“Where’s the f* chaos theory I left around here?”

When it comes to food my problem is that I like everything. His problem is that he doesn’t like anything but less than half a dozen dishes he keeps ordering over and over again at restaurants. When I try to encourage him to try something new he says: ‘When I like something I stick to it. How would you feel if I ‘try’ other women?’

Also on the food front: When I cook something new I tell him the dish tastes like *** (something he likes). His reply: ‘My mom tried that when I was little’.

This weekend I stopped by a friend to say ‘Hi’.

She had been diagnosed with cancer but it was in remission.

Unfortunately it spread and the doctor says it’s terminal.

She tells me she is getting the money and going to Greece and around the world after buying a convertible.

Of course I’m sad but I know she’s checked most of the items on her bucket list along her life before she got sick.

You better do the same because this is cheesy, tacky, old, obvious and you’re probably tiring of listening to it but

LIFE IS SHORT.

LIFE IS VERY SHORT!

Today I choked on a fish bone

and I could have died.

http://bucketlist.org/

After some booze

my head started to spin

and went round and round and round in circles.

And I realized life also goes round and round in circles.

Ten years ago or so I was in Miami.

Then I went round and round.

Neighborhoods, cities, states, countries, continents…

To end up I’m in Miami again.

Ten years ago… A man…

A boyfriend?

A lover?

A friend?

I wish I could remember his face.

So sad when you start to forget old faces…

So good having a sangria on a lazy Sunday afternoon…

So good to be back to Miami!

*Update year 2022: I am back to Miami again. This time for good! New adventures await!

Hello all!

So many important issues to follow, so many interesting books, articles and posts to read. So why not one more?

I work for these two sites as a translator and I often come across features worth reading. The sites are sponsored by the US Department of Defense but, believe me, they are totally impartial.

How about this side of Al-Qaeda:

http://infosurhoy.com/cocoon/saii/xhtml/en_GB/features/saii/features/society/2010/12/13/feature-02

Or this funny story on the often tragic tales of narcotrafficking:

http://dialogo-americas.com/en_GB/articles/rmisa/features/regional_news/2012/07/16/otis-fritanga

Studies have shown you are

Studies have shown you are more prone to impulse buying on weekends. So I was worried when a friend gave me tickets to this expensive car show. Hahahaha!

Sunday afternoons are somehow boring. You’re sad the weekend is coming to and end and the work week is approaching once again. I decided to ignore the study and went to the car show, where I realized pretending I can afford an ultra-expensive car is funnier than actually being able to afford it!

Note: Having your picture taken by an expensive car is the ultimate proof you can NOT afford it!

Relationships are tough and not many couples get to live a fairly happy one. Much less those love stories from fairy tales. Is it easier if you are good-looking? Absolutely not. And here’s how I back up my theory.

I was riding the subway when I was struck by this couple. I don’t mean to be insulting, but they were the ugliest boy and girl and I have ever seen in my entire life. They reminded me of a bad version of Fiona and Shrek. And I am afraid I am insulting Fiona and Shrek by saying that.

They wore thick glasses and no matter how hard they tried they couldn’t have gotten worse looking frames. The clothes? No comments.

All right. Let’s get back to my theory. What really struck me was how much affection and care and love they showed for each other. It was clear in all the small and big gestures. They were in their own world. They were f**** HAPPY!

I just imagine her saying to her little daughter, as ugly as her: “I hope you find someone to make you happy as I did find your dad.” And dad saying to his little ugly son: “I hope you find someone to make you happy as I did find your mama.”

Like money beauty is not a guarantee of happiness. Would I rather be as ugly as her but as happy as her? Not sure since I’m pretty happy with my spouse. But definitely not as happy as her. Not even close.

Being an expat I am asked this question all the time. I am ethnically Asian but I was born and raised in Brazil and I have nothing in common with Japan, except for my looks, so it is always a little complicated of a chat. Then the next question is normally how did I end up here.

Since I’m a Brazilian of Japanese descent and I’m often speaking Spanish or Portuguese I think I become the target of such question more often. One time I was on the phone talking with my Kentucky-born husband. I normally mix English and Portuguese so he can practice a second language. When I hang up a Brazilian man looked at me and exclaimed: “Oooo-hhhh, m—-y—- G—–o—–d! I would say you were from anywhere but Brazil!” The Latinos reacts the same way.

In the beginning, it was an interesting question and I was happy to answer and explain. However I have to confess that lately I got tired of this question. For the most part of my stay in the United States I lived in two places where many people is from somewhere else, New York and Miami, so I feel this question has become common-place.

Don’t get me wrong. I think it’s interesting hearing stories about people and places and the reasons (or lack of reason) one ends up somewhere. I’m just tired of re-telling my little journey over and over again.

However, think twice before saying how ugly or how pretty I am. I look Asian but I’m not a tourist or a foreign student. I am a Miami resident and I speak Portuguese and Spanish. Maybe you should ask me where I am from.

My husband and I recently moved to a cool apartment.

Decorating it has been a challenge.

The ideas from our gay friends are quite unattainable. But one girlfriend suggested us to use plants since they are cheap and can give any room a special touch. We liked the idea and bought a few of them. They look great but we soon realized they also need love and care. Which we have in bunches to give away but we are afraid our plants don’t want them.

My husband them reminded me of a funny story from our dating days. I had bought him a Bonsai tree for Valentine’s Day including this cheesy and tacky note: “I hope our love last as long as this Bonsai tree.” I should have written “longer than”. He placed it on top of the heater in his apartment in Manhattan and the next time I saw it, a few days later, the poor tree was dry and crispy and as dead as a corpse.

My husband accuses me of having a dark thumb but I suspect our plants don’t need love and care but just some water.

Anyway, I decided to buy artificial plants.

They can look very real. The one in the balcony looks great and my next door neighbor asks what my secret is. I smile and say: “Love and care.” That normally cuts the conversation short.

Some of my friends think they are real and when they try to touch them, I jump between them and my plant as a mommy bear protecting his offsprings and say: “DO NOT touch them, please!” They back up in awe and give me that surprised look. I smile uncomfortably and start to make up some theories as to why plants die if someone other than the owner touches them.

I hope they never read this post.

The other night I had to take a bus from downtown Miami to where I live in Surfside. Since I never know where I am or which way my home is I asked this friendly looking young guy for information. He gently explained me exactly which bus to take and we started talking. I was happy to speak English for a change. Nothing against Spanish. I love español! But I also don’t want to forget my hard learned English. It turns out the boy was from Slovenia. He said it kinda shyly, expecting me to say something like “what?”, “where?”. But I do know where Slovenia is and he was so happy! I mean, all I knew it’s a tiny country in Eastern Europe. And I was so happy he was happy that back home I did some research on Slovenia: it’s locked between Austria, Hungary, Croatia, Italy and the Adriatic Sea. Not a bad location! It was part of the Roman Empire, the Byzantine Empire, the Austrian Empire and Yugoslavia, among others, until finally it became independent in 1991. Okay, enough! The boy was so happy to be in America! He asked me if I had been to LA and when I said “yes” he looked at me like I was the luckiest person on Earth! Then he asked me how long I lived here. I said about ten but that I missed my home country. He was even more excited to hear that (the ten years part). I asked him if he missed Slovenia too. He said he planned to set foot in the US. I warned him home is the best place in the world to be, no matter where it is or how it is. I told him the grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence. I advised him to experience life here, get a degree and go back home. He didn’t respond and his bus arrived. He seemed sad to go so I smiled and said (and meant): Good luck! I hope he listened because for myself it seems too late to go back home.

Here where he’ll be happy (it’s the tiny green drop on the map):